i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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