I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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