I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
