why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
