Ambien. No doubt about it.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
