You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
