he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
NoShamevember. You game?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
