is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
