I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
