he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
