dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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