my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
