dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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