On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
