There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
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