I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
