I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
