I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
