i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
