Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Drunk is not a location!
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
