I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
