Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
