Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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