my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
