Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
