I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
