On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
