u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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