No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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