Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
