I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
