I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
