wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
