That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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