Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
