I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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