I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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