we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize