Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
