Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
