That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
