I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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