he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Drunk is not a location!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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