I want to make a zoo with you.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
