i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
