i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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