I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
did i walk over a car last night?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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