so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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