Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
