if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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