Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
