I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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