Already got asked if we're dating
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Randomize
