yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize