New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
