Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
