i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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