thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Randomize
