i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
