Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
