You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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