but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize