I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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