Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
