watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
