when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
