Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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